Happily Ever After
by poppymoopy
Summary: In Steph's world, what is happily ever after? Two versions lay waiting for her. Which will it be? Babe, then Cupcake
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Property of JE.

-.-

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this company to join together this man and this woman…"

The chapel was beautiful. Sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows, distorting everything in lovely, honey-dewed hues. As Stephanie gazed out at the congregation, her heart swelled with emotions. She could see her family and all her friends – Lula in a spandex wrap dress, Connie beside her looking dewy eyed. She could see Randy, the fork wielding FTA, and Mooner in the back row. It was all so perfect, a scene straight out of a sappy movie. Or, at least, it was almost perfect…

Stephanie wrenched her eyes back to the person across from her. Morelli. He looked so handsome in a tux, staring down at her with such affection in his eyes. Just looking at him chased away her lingering doubts. Morelli was good looking, kind, and – most of all – stable. So what if she only felt dull affection when she looked at him. So what if their passion had dwindled to a low simmer. One couldn't be so greedy.

"…and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly and in the fear of God…"

Stephanie fought back a yawn. Why couldn't the priest just skip all the blah blahs and go straight to the "I do's". She shifted uncomfortably in her dress. It was the most gorgeous thing, all white and satin, nipping subtly at the waist and flowing into a generous train. Everything really was most perfect. Everything she'd dreamed of. Then why, she wondered, did she feel like throwing up?

"If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace…"

Finally. Stephanie relaxed. It was almost over.

_BAM_. The sudden noise echoed throughout the chapel as loud as the church bells of Notre Dame. All heads swivelled around to gawk at the source of such an intrusion.

The front doors had been flung open and a figure stood, haloed in light. He was dressed all in black and had an impressive, chiselled body. Stephanie recognized who it was. From Morelli's hiss of fury, he obviously had as well.

Ranger stepped forward. He didn't look embarrassed or nervous, despite the fact that hundreds of unfriendly eyes were trained on him. When his eyes locked with Stephanie's, they were cool and steady.

"Babe," he said.

The priest was confounded. He was a small, elderly gentleman, with a habit of forgetting his dentures. "Excuse me?" he said.

"I think Ranger has an objection," Mary Lou piped from the second aisle.

"That bastard," Morelli growled. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Do you have an objection, young man?" the priest said.

"Yes." Ranger walked forward until he stood a meter away from the alter. Stephanie could feel Morelli tensing beside her. She knew that only the witnesses prevented him from launching at Ranger and ripping his head off.

And then, Stephanie stopped thinking all together, for she could smell him, that delicious scent she'd pressed her nose to so many times. Her body yearned to reach out for him. They stared at each other. Ranger's lips quirked up into an almost unnoticeable smile.

"What do you want, Manoso?" Morelli hissed. "Stephanie's mine. She doesn't want you."

Ranger ignored him. "I'm sorry, babe," he said. "I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. But the truth is…I was scared. Babe, you changed my life. Before, it was utterly dark and pointless, but then you came and brought light and clarity. I guess what I'm trying to say is…. I love you, Stephanie Plum."

Everyone gasped. The dark handsome man could speak! From the third aisle, Connie said: "he actually knows what her name is?"

"You're wasting your time, Manoso," Morelli sneered. "God, you're stupid. Now get out before I throw you out myself."

"Oh my god," Stephanie gasped.

"See! Now you've gotten cupcake upset!"

"Shut up, Morelli."

"What?" Joseph whirled around and stared at Stephanie.

"I'm sorry, Morelli." Stephanie wrenched her eyes off of Rangers. "I can't marry you."

"What?"

"I thought I loved you, and I did, sort of. But then I realized that I was just lying to myself. If I marry you, it'll hurt both of us. You deserve better Morelli." She leaned forward to kiss Morelli tenderly on the cheek. Just as she did so, however, her stilettos caught at the hem of her skirt and she tripped, tumbling back into Rangers arms.

The moment those strong arms wrapped around Stephanie, she realized with absolute certainty that she was doing the right thing. Their eyes locked and then their lips met, slow and tender at first and then building into something rougher and more dangerous. Morelli was so shocked that he momentarily forgot his homicidal thoughts.

"Oh, dear lord," Stephanie's mom cried.

Grandma Mazur licked her lips lasciviously.

Eventually, their lips parted. Stephanie was flushed. Ranger looked like he had a million dollar lottery ticket in his hand. He walked down the aisle, cradling Stephanie in his arms, and then out of the chapel, the door swinging behind them. For a moment, it was completely silent.

"Can't believe he managed to carry her all the way there," Joyce Barnhardt muttered.

And so they lived happily ever after. Stephanie and Ranger got married in a lavish wedding in the south of Italy and proceeded to honeymoon around the world, collecting many exciting memories, such as being chased by a herd of elephants. When they returned to Jersey, they bought a lovely, suburban house and had five very clever and mischievous children. Stephanie regained custody of Bob and taught him not to eat the Italian leather sofa.

This is how is should be dear readers, but, alas, reality inevitably blunders through.

-.-


	2. Chapter 2

-.-

Reality

-.-

When she opened the door, she found Ranger standing in the hallway.

She wasn't surprised. She should've been – for once, he'd actually knocked, a rather odd occurrence in itself. He was also wearing a white, silk shirt. The silk she could've handled – Ranger slipped effortlessly from ghetto mode to successful entrepreneur with ease. The white shirt, on the other hand, was a shocking contrast to his usual black ensemble. It made him seem even more dangerous – a wolf clad in wool.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I need you."

"On an assignment?"

"Babe. I need you."

The reiteration of that phrase confused Stephanie. She suddenly found it difficult to concentrate: everything moved around her in a sluggish haze.

Ranger smiled. It was a strange smile – not his usual, enigmatic grin, but a warm, honest smile that made Stephanie feel fuzzy all over. He reached forward and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"Babe," he said. "I love you."

Stephanie opened her mouth, but the words were suddenly gone, her mouth was suddenly very dry and she was very, very dizzy. Ranger was still in front of her, smiling down at her, waiting for a response. The world, however, was spinning. She clawed desperately for control, but her acrylic nails broke and control flew away in a flurry of frayed edges. Her legs lost ground. And then darkness enveloped her.

When she opened her eyes, Stephanie was lying on her bed.

She reached out to shove Bob out of the way, but her hand brushed only against cotton. Of course – Bob was with Morelli. Morelli. The thought prompted a new flurry of migraines to batter at her neurons.

More specifically, the thought of Morel…and proposals.

She'd been surprised when the subject of engagement had arisen. Surprise was one way of putting it – distress, annoyance and anxiety were more suitable adjectives. To his credit, Morelli had opted for a somewhat traditional detour this time around. He'd muted Sunday Night Football, gone down to one knee and presented Stephanie with a rather diminutive ring.

Stephanie suspected the rest of the diamond fund had auspiciously gone towards a new 50 inch Plasma T.V

Even so, the sight of the gold band had sent Stephanie to automatic flight mode. She'd clutched at her stomach, moaned that she was having cramps and immediately needed to depart. Morelli, though not fooled, had gotten the hint.

That had been two days ago. Morelli was now in Minneapolis on a vague assignment with Bob in tow. Stephanie wondered what Bob's presence was for. Bob as a tracking hound seemed unlikely, unless the prey was a jelly donut.

"Cupcake," he'd said on the phone, "I'll expect an answer when I come back."

Stephanie didn't pretend to feign incomprehension. Her indecision was both unfair and irrational. Their relationship had been in limbo for quite a while now. It was time for a change before they started developing wrinkles.

Dreaming about another man, however, was not quite the beginning to eternal marital bliss.

Stephanie munched her toast. Had the dream simply been sugar-induced? Or was she sending a subconscious message to herself?

Marry Batman and take to the skies. Stephanie smiled.

Her mood was frightening upbeat as she drove to work. She cranked up the radio and sang tunelessly at the top of her lungs. She smiled at pedestrians. She checked her reflection in the rear-view mirror and thought she looked quite hot.

Her mood soured considerably when she noticed smoke emitting from the front of the car.

She tried to ignore the smoke. She also tried to ignore the annoying pinging of the engine fluid light. When she pulled up to the back lot of the bond's office, however, Stephanie had already resigned to the inevitable. Her car was headed for car heaven and she'd be back at Donald's used car lot by Thursday.

As she got out of her car, a white van pulled up next to her. It was mud spattered, rusted and had _Thelma's Flower Service _emblazoned across its side in chipped magenta curlicues.

Two masked men jumped out. One held a coil of rope and a heavy sack. The other levelled a gun at Stephanie's chest.

Stephanie wasn't surprised. With the way her morning was going, she'd almost been expecting it. She proffered up a modest amount of struggle as the two men hauled her into the van. She lashed out with her feet, connecting with an ankle. She opened her mouth to scream, but a heavy sack was wrenched over her head and she managed only a muffled cry.

She was dragged, kicked and finally thrown into the van. The door slammed shut and the van squealed out of the lot.

As she sat, bumping up and down from the van's momentum, she checked her emotions. There was fear, naturally, but the lack in amount made Stephanie frown. She should be frozen in mind-numbing terror. Instead, all she could muster up was… resignation.

Ten minutes later, Stephanie found herself in a conference room. Her hands were handcuffed to a chair. The taller of the masked men stood before her.

"Where is it?" the man asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Stephanie said. It was true. She didn't. Was "it" a can of soup? A diamond necklace? A manila folder stuffed with confidential documents? She suddenly felt unbelievably weary. It had been a mistake to get out of bed that morning.

The masked man slapped her. Her head snapped to the side and her cheek flared with pain.

"Where. Is. It."

Honestly, was the man a total fool?

"I can't exactly tell you if I don't know what you're talking about," Stephanie said.

The man stared at her. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked quite deranged. He picked up his gun and pointed it at her.

"This is a gun," the man said.

Stephanie resisted the impulse to roll her eyes.

"And I will shoot you with it," he continued, "if you don't tell me where it -"

The door flew open with a tremendous _BANG_. The masked man whirled around, in time to see a large, muscular frame clad in black launch into the room.

"What the-" the masked man said, before his head exploded.

Blood spurted against the walls in crimson droplets of confetti. The man tipped back, swayed in place for a moment, and then crashed onto the floor.

"Babe," Ranger said.

"Hi," Stephanie said. She licked her lips and could taste blood on them, salty and slightly metallic.

Ranger stepped forward and rummaged in the dead man's pockets. He produced a small key and uncuffed Stephanie from the chair.

"How'd you find me?" Stephanie said.

"I was pulling up to the bond's office when I saw the van drive off. I recognized your Cadillac in the lot. White van, your car - I put two and two together."

"It could've just been making a delivery," Stephanie said.

Ranger chucked her under her chin. "Baaabe."

The police arrived a few minutes later. Stephanie gave them her statement, ignored the chuckles and wisecracks and found herself, a half an hour later, in the cool interior of Ranger's Mercedes.

"I think I'll just go to my apartment," Stephanie said.

"Good idea." Ranger turned on the ignition and pulled into traffic.

Stephanie studied Ranger. He looked completely relaxed and unscathed, despite the fact he'd just single-handedly overpowered several armed men. Stephanie didn't bother asking him how he'd managed it. Ranger was Batman and Batman had certain undisclosed secrets.

"Morelli asked me to marry him."

The words popped out, as if on their own accord. Stephanie wished she could swallow them back but, too late, they were already gone, hanging in the air.

She darted a glance at Ranger. His expression hadn't changed.

"Morelli's a good man," he said.

Stephanie felt slightly disappointed - a silly reaction; after all, what had she expected? Pain? Anger? A declaration of his undying love and adoration?

"I haven't decided yet," she said. "Whether to say yes or no, I mean."

Ranger gave her a look. "Babe, I'm not gonna stop you from marrying him."

"Who said anything about that?" she said, her cheeks flushing with embarrasment.

He gave her another look. "I know what you're thinking. Babe, what we have… it can't go any farther that."

Stephanie swallowed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I was hoping you'd get all macho. In fact, I feel kinda wounded that you didn't'."

He chuckled. "If you get bored with Morelli, you'll always know where to find me."

"In the Batcave."

Ranger smiled.

Stephanie spent the rest of the morning watching Tivo and eating crackers. At 2' o clock, after watching four Medium reruns, Stephanie called Morelli.

"Morelli, I've been thinking…"

"Always a bad idea, cupcake."

"Joe, my answer's yes."

"What?"

"Your proposal. I want to get married, Joe."

-.-

The wedding took place on the beach one balmy day in June. The congregation gathered under a haze of sunlight, blue expansive sky in black ties and taffeta gowns. Seagulls cried. Cameras clicked. The waves lapped gently at the shore.

Stephanie basked in a feeling of bliss that, normally, could only have been induced by sugar. She smiled at her teary mother, her stoic father, at Lula and Connie and Mary Lou, all of them gathered there for _her_. Her chest constricted with emotion. Her eyes returned to the man standing across from her. Morelli gave her a crooked grin and warmth bubbled up inside her.

Stephanie knew with absolute certainty that she had made the right decision.

Morelli gave her hand a soft squeeze. "Cupcake," he murmured.

Stephanie blinked. "What?" she mouthed.

She realized with a start that the priest had stopped emitting monotonic drones and was expectantly staring at her. Everyone was, a hundred pair of eyes fixed on her like she was the main attraction at the zoo.

The priest cleared his throat.

"Could you repeat that please?" Stephanie said.

The priest sighed. "Do you, Stephanie Plum, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and cherish him, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

Stephanie hesitated, searching for any doubts still lingering in her heart. There was none.

"I do," Stephanie said.

"And, do you, Joseph Anthony Morelli, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Morelli said.

"With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

And with that solemn declaration, the sky opened up and came crashing down on them.

A freak of nature, the weather forecasters would later deem it. One minute, the sun was lazing languidly in the sky and, the next, water was erupting from the heavens like a fourth of July water show.

Women screamed. Men swore. The wrinkled little priest blinked up at the torrent of water streaming from the sky. "Good heavens," he said, and promptly scurried away to join the masses that were clawing past each other in pursuit of refuge from the storm.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Morelli said.

They were the only ones left on the beach. Even the flowers twined around the alter had deserted them, propelled away by rain and wind.

"I think it's an omen," Stephanie said.

"Not the best way to start a marriage," Morelli agreed.

Rain was soaking the thin fabric of her dress, but Stephanie didn't care. At that moment, on that flooded beach with her hair whipping about her and Morelli staring at her with such love in his eyes, there was no where else she wanted to be.

"I love you," she said.

Morelli opened his mouth. Stephanie waited for him to say something incredibly sappy and lovey-dovey, but he didn't. Instead, he leaned down and gently kissed her.

"C'mon, cupcake," Morelli said. "Let's go home."

-.-

**A/N: So which do you prefer? Fantasy or reality? Babe or Cupcake?**

**(Personally, I go with cupcake, but I'm a sucker for delectable treats.)**


End file.
